i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
