I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
