I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
