If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
