insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
