he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
