I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
