My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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