I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
