So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
