Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
