My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
