Swine flu. Run for my life!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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