you guys were way drunker than both of me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
