If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
