I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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