We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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