I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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