Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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