yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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