I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
