He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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