By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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