You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
