I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
