Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
