I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
3 2 1 whiskey
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
