Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
