i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
