I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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