I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
