I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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