dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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