I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
