you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
