just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
