I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
