google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
