dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
