Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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