As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
