How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this just has baby written all over it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
