I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
