Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
