My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
