I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
