Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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