I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
