That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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