I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
