No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
