Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
