I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
