Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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